Anyone who has been coming to **Five Ounces of Pain** for more than a few days understands our community boasts some of the best readers on the MMA landscape. While some sites settle for online trolls and uninformed debate, our crew of loyal followers fill the bottom part of our pages up with interesting ideas, well-thought out points, and of course the occasional laugh.

In that latter spirit, we are running a daily picture pulled from our catalog of **USA Today** images for our creative faithful to have some fun with by offering up an insightful or downright hilarious caption in the Comments section. Then, each Sunday, the best ones will be pulled for one final retrospective.

Today’s offering comes courtesy of **UFC Fight Night 26** bantamweight **Urijah Faber**! Have fun!

After his run in with Clarice Starling, Buffalo Bill turned his life around with a focus on discipline and an intense training regimen.

‘Urijah says…….”The ponytail equation is[7]

l^3 R_{ssss} – ( L – s ) R_{ss} + R_s – \pi ( R ) = 0

where

\pi( R ) = \frac{ 4 l^3 P }{ A \rho R }

In these equations l is the length at which gravity bends the hair

l = ( \frac{ A }{ \lambda g } )^\frac{ 1 }{ 3 }

where g is the acceleration due to gravity, A is the bending modulus and ? is the density of the hair. A is defined to be

A = \frac{ E \pi d^4 }{ 64 }

E is a constant equal to 4 gigaPascal and d is the average diameter of the hair.

L is the length of the switch of hair in the ponytail, R is the ponytail radius, s is the arc length from the clamp on the ponytail, P is the pressure due to the clamp and ? is the hair density

\rho = \frac{ N }{ \pi R^2 }

where N is the number of hairs in the ponytail. Rs is the partial derivative of R with respect to s.

The Rapunzel number (Ra) is the ratio

Ra = \frac{ L }{ l } ……..That’s why I wear my hair this way.”

I feel like a champ. Hows cruz feeling these days?

“You can milk anything with nipples.”

” I have nipples Greg, Can you milk me?”

Troll doll.

Spanky and Buckwheat warned Alfalfa against the use of steroids, but he wouldn’t listen.

After hearing the remarks of how cute he was from the little girl, Faber realized that being the biggest, strongest Cupie Doll didn’t matter. He was still just a doll.