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Pick Em Showdown – “UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage”

Being under the Rebellion Media umbrella brings us a lot of opportunities here at Five Ounces of Pain. One opportunity that has come along is a “Pick Em Showdown” between us and the fine folks over at Fightlinker.com.

The showdown is set to go down on September 24 when the fighters on UFC 135 are going to throw down.

Fightlinker laid down the challenge a couple of weeks ago, and as the resident fight analyst here at 5OZ, I of course accepted. I actually hesitated to accept, because I thought it was some kind of joke. I thought Ashton Kutcher was Punk’n me. Have they seen my record? Of course they haven’t. Because I don’t keep track of it. Seriously though, I thought, “the audacity of these people to challenge me to a pick em.” I laughed it off and didn’t give it a second thought. Then I got pressure from the powers that be to accept the challenge and the folks at Fightlinker thought I was scared. SCARED!?!?! I was scared for them. I didn’t want to embarrass them. I didn’t answer the challenge immediately because I had better things to worry about. Like trying to acquire the travel schedule of Kate Upton.

I accepted the challenge though, because I got tired of Fightlinker spamming my email with pictures of Matthew McConaughey with his shirt off. I don’t know where they found all those pictures and so quickly, but I’ll tell you one thing, a lot of pictures looked like they were taken within the hour and uploaded immediately from a phone. So draw your own conclusions.

Then the tough part came: naming the stipulations. That’s right. This isn’t just about bragging rights because that’s some lowly bought PPV put on a by a wrestling company; this is about making the loser suffer. The Fightlinker people suggested, “How about the loser has to sing Taylor Swift karaoke?” and I told them, “That’s a regular Saturday night out for me.” The powers that be thought it would be a good idea to dump Coors Light on the loser since it’s known for its association with the Rockies and UFC 135 is in Denver. Now, I’m fine with this idea, but that just seems like a waste of beer to me. Where I come from, we call that alcohol abuse to just pour beer on your head instead of down your throat.

So we turn to you, the fine readers here at 5OZ and ask you for your suggestions of what the loser should have to do. The only rule is that no bodily harm can be involved, as I refuse to mess up my pretty face or subject harm to my fingers because those are my money makers. Make your suggestion with complete confidence that I will win this showdown, because, well, I will win this showdown. I just hope they don’t pull a Nick Diaz and are afraid to promote the showdown because they know I’ll lay on them for 25 minutes. Wait. Scratch that. I’m Chuck Liddell to Fightlinker’s Tito Ortiz. I’m going to knock them out and beat them with my dodge balls!

Make your suggestions in the “Comments” section below…

13 COMMENTS
  • MCM says:

    5oz has kinda become your own personnel blog hasn’t it Jeremy? Good thing you’re entertaining. 😉

    Here’s my suggestion…..Tattoo Bet.
    Winner picks the Tattoo, Loser picks the placement. Nothing racist, vulgar, pornographic, or obscene.
    ex. Loser gets a tattoo of double cheese burger with candle on top. Then when people ask why they have a cheese burger with a candle on top, they have to reply “Cause I’m a beef cake.”

    Are you sure you want to enter this contest Mr. Hamil > Rampage and Okami > A. Silva?

  • Hey now. I was asked to cut a promo and that was all off the top of my head. Suck on that Chael Sonnen.

    And how dare you of accusing me of picking Okami over Silva. I may have joked about it on twitter, but my official pick was Silva over Okami via TKO Round 2 (bang biscuit). I did pick Hamill over Rampage and immediately regretted it. I also picked Gustaffson to finish Hamill and people thought I was crazy for that. So that kind of cancels each other out.

    Plus, I have a secret weapon for this showdown that will be revealed the week of the event.

  • Plunkett says:

    “Plus, I have a secret weapon for this showdown that will be revealed the week of the event.”

    So you’re the spy in Rampage’s camp?

  • MCM says:

    “And how dare you of accusing me of picking Okami over Silva.”
    Oh right, I picked Okami.

    “I also picked Gustaffson to finish Hamill and people thought I was crazy…”
    That was me too.

    now I gotta get a beef cake tattoo. :(

  • Rece Rock says:

    hey lambert i recall u losing a # of avatar bets on twitter no offense but u sure u wanna do this? never the less as a faithful 5ozer im glad your up for the challenge…
    ok heres my suggestion…
    loser has to post a youtube video of themselves in a public place reanacting the just bleed guy … face paint, chest paint etc… you have to do it in a non sports affliated place for example like a starbucks or a supermarket or a library. You need to perform this act with no less then 6 ppl in the vicinity and along with “Just bleed” you have to paint the winners website and twitter handle on you, all of which must be visable in the you tube video… winner gets to write a gloating editorial and embed the video into the post and the post will run on both websites.

  • Angry Mike says:

    Loser has to use a scree icon of a real photon in a Dennis Hallman speedo.

  • Dufresne says:

    Hmmm…. So many choices… I’ll have to wait till my mind is a bit more sober since most of my intoxicated ideas end up in bodily harm for the person involved. And usually the people watching if I’m honest…

    It’s getting late here, where’s our resident Aussie? They’re usually full of terrible ideas that sound fun. Like living on an island full of murder monsters they call “pests”.

  • Mad_Hatter_XX says:

    Maybe loser caters food and drinks for winner and friends for next UFC ppv. The tattoo idea isn’t so great ’cause that’s permanent and all.

    Forking over money for food/drinks seems fair and much less permanent

  • Loser has to credit the winner with all of their great scoops and articles for a year….

    ex: Fightlinker would like to thank 5oz writer Jeremy Lambert for this info…regardless of where they got the info. lame kinda, but eh picaso would’ve been pissed had he had to give his credit away.

  • Guthookd says:

    You guys crack me up.

    “,,,ask you for your suggestions of what the loser should have to do….”

    I would love to see the loser try to top Pat Healy’s craziest mud slide and post the inevitably painful debacle of a video.

    Your choices are really limited to nasty, scary, embarrassing painful and dangerous. I prefer dangerous.

    :)

  • sides666 says:

    First of all great idea. I have two suggestions first is the old time classic slap bet meaning the winner gets to slap the loser in the face as hard as they can(no rings). It may seem savage but slapping another man in the face as hard as you can is a once in a lifetime opportunity and of course the video of the occasion would be on YouTube it just seems fitting for an mma competition. The other is much different and a bit politically incorrect but there would be nothing funnier than the loser acting like a flaming homosexual for a week and participating in a couple of interviews by the winner over the course of the week. Good luck to you sir.

  • adamsfamily says:

    ”It’s getting late here, where’s our resident Aussie? They’re usually full of terrible ideas that sound fun. Like living on an island full of murder monsters they call “pests”.

    That shit is funny right there.

    Oh – and the loser has to blow the other. And the winner posts an after party verdict?

    Come on you were all thinking it!

  • @Rece Rock: Because the MMA Gods hate me, I’ve lost something like 11 or 12 straight twitter bets. I’m banking on the fact that I’m just due to win some type of MMA bet in the near future. Plus, again, I got a secret weapon.

    I also like your idea of public embarrassment since I’m never afraid to act like an idiot. Bren suggested that the loser has to do a Rampage Jackson schtick in public (no motor boating or humping of random people though) but we’d have to wear a chain and howl. I was gonna go all out with that and do like a complete walk out.

    Anything involving me and the guy from Fightlinker interacting might be tough since I’m not really sure where he lives. Although catering a UFC event is a cool idea.

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