So UFC Fight Night 15 has come and passed. A very enjoyable event and another one that people who didn’t view will deem “boring” because they see decisions were up and down the main card without understanding decisions can be entertaining.
Below are the Pros and Cons of the event, plus other crap I felt needed to be said that may or may not wish to read at all. I’m going to talk about women’s hockey. Are you ready for that? Are you sure? I’m just stalling because I used to be the picking champion of the world and now (outside of the main event) I can’t pick a fight perfectly to save my life. I have no idea what happened to me; it’s like starting on this site made me worse at MMA predictions. Adam Morgan must be rubbing off on me…. in a bad way.
PRO: Mentioning Evan Tanner. It was a little WWE with the tiny little quick blurb but at least it was better than blindly dedicating two hours to a child murderer (hi Chris Benoit). Evan Tanner was fantastic and very entertaining and actually deserved more than a little WWE mention at the beginning of the show and a couple of classy fighter shoutouts. He was your champion and a fan favorite, show him some love. Props none the less for at least acknowledging the situation.
CON: Fantasy Football. STOP, just STOP. Why is it when I try to watch any football highlight on ESPN they have to mention fantasy football? Is it not enough to have special shows about the subject or special topics on every single show? No? You must mention fantasy football every single time anything happens? I hope all of you die. “Touchdown Matt Hasselbeck, well that is great for his fantasy owners.” I’d pull my hair out if I wasn’t so scared of balding. You are not “owners,” you’re obnoxious people ruining my SportsCenter highlights. Fantasy football is the easiest of every fantasy thing you can do. At the very least in fantasy basketball you might be down in rebounds but barely up in turnovers so you have to decide whether to play that PF that might win or lose you the league. In football it’s just, “play my top people and get yards and touchdowns!” Go wear a helmet and get off of my television before I beat you.
PRO: Dana White 4 President Sign. YES! I’m not exactly the biggest Dana White fan but he’d be great in the debates and I’m 100% behind this. A question I’ve always asked that no one can answer: Why is it that you can curse in any form of life from traffic to cutting in line but you have to remain calm when it comes to deciding who should run the free world? I want some cursing and I want some anger. I need some, “F*** YOU!” answers. I want Obama, I want McCain and I want some Dana White in my political debates this season. Forget Ralph Nader and Bob Barr, we need to start a Dana in the debates petition.
CON: Pre-fight Interviews. The Alexander/Schafer fight was about the 12th time (roughly) I’ve seen pre-fight interviews and thought, “crap, I picked the wrong guy.” Can I see these before the fight? Forget your free fight stuff after the card, I want to see the pre-fight interviews prior to picking the fights. Consider it a personal favor Dana; I’m the guy that wants you in the debates!
CON: Warm-ups. Why do guys work so hard in warm-ups whether you see them on TV or not? You see guys gas all the time and I always wonder why they’re in the back working the bags over and over and sweating everywhere. Fine, I’m not a fighter, GOT ME…. but it seems as though a normal loosening exercise would work much better than fatiguing in the middle of a major fight. I’m pretty sure you won’t forget your combos just because you don’t go full force in the back. I haven’t ridden a bike in about 12 years but I’m pretty sure I still could if you put me on one. Actually I might fall on my face…. which would be an improvement for….
CON: Josh Neer’s nose. Eww.
CON: Stupid Networks. I’m trying to DVR shows and they want to put down, “8:00pm-9:02pm.” NO, stop at 9pm. I can’t tape anything at 9pm when these multiple shows are going two minutes over for no reason other than they want that old TBS crap of going five minutes over. Your show slot is from 8pm-9pm, PUT IT THERE. I’m tired of your damn show going to 11:04pm and screwing me out of DVRing other stuff. Yeah, I could manual, but I’d lose the end of the show and the preview of the next one. If your show goes to 10:04pm I’m not going to watch it. This is my forum, leave me alone.
CON: Guida’s Hair. Look Clay, I realize it’s your trademark and all but it’s kind of like being 90-years-old and having old lady floppy boobs and having to slap them over your shoulders every five seconds. You might have won but that hair is just getting in the way. If it hasn’t cost you a bout yet I guarantee you it will. It’s your thing, I get it, but don’t let your hair turn into floppy boobs.
PRO: Lady Hockey. This is a week late so I’m sure a few of you have seen that Slovakia beat Bulgaria 82-0 in lady hockey. Seriously, 82-0? I think me and four friends that have never skated in our lives could do a bit better than that. Just put a fatty like Goldberg from Mighty Ducks in there at goalie and me and four friends who couldn’t skate would fall all over and not lose 82-0. I’d also like to take this time to thank NHL ’94 on Sega for being the only reason I know anything about hockey.
CON: Tattooing your name on yourself. I’ve wanted to do this one for a great time but I could never remember the jackasses that tattooed their own names on their bodies. Obviously Kurt Pellegrino but now I can add Josh Neer and I’m sure a sheer number of others. This isn’t the movie Memento, you needn’t tattoo yourself with information you already know. Are you advertising yourself? You could just write your name on you like the goldenpalace boxing people. Tat’ing yourself with your own name is like me putting, “4×4=16” on my lower back. Which I did but to my credit I was drunk.
CON: The dumbest conversation I’ve ever seen. Now I’ve heard some really uneducated comments, namely from my short time spent living in Tennessee and Arkansas. Yet I took my grandmother to lunch this week and as we left she ran into someone she knows and it was easily the dumbest back and forth I’d ever personally seen with my own eyes. I should preface by saying she’s a right-wing Christian conservative that literally sleeps clutching her bible (no, really). I took flack for making fun of “pudgy liberal” sportswriters in the past. Realize I wasn’t trashing liberals and realize here I’m not trashing conservatives, I’m simply relaying a story. So as we leave the restaurant my grandmother (who once said, “those Asians should stick to themselves”) ran into some person she knew and the following happened directly in front of me:
SomeDude: (my grandmother’s name)?
GrandMother: Yeah, how are you?
SD: Great, McCain is going to win isn’t he?
GM: He certainly has my vote and my support.
SD: Good, that black won’t do anything for our country.
GM: We’re Republican because we’re American.
SD: Yes we are. So what is going on with the economy? Is my money okay?
GM: Oh yes, they’re just passing the money around. You’re fine.
SD: Great. Good to see you.
GM: You too.
Now I’ve heard some dumb statements but I’ve never in person seen such a poorly educated conversation. The best part about moving to a small town is that I can have grilled chicken breast, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, fried apples and a dinner roll all made fresh in the back for $4. The worst part is having to hear opinions from people with fourth grade educations. (update: just before I posted this I was on my way back from the grocery store and saw a woman riding in traffic on a motorized scooter with an American flag waving from the back. I love it here.)