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Pros and Cons: EXC Unfinished Business

PRO: Magical blood on the mat. OMG where did it come from!? I wonder what prelim had so much blood. Will I get to see it? Was it stopped? Oh the questions are endless and the temptation? Palpable. There is something magical about that start of the show blood on the mat and it gives you that little smirk as your hopes for the show have suddenly gone up.

CON: Magical blood on the mat. My first thought when I turned into Showtime was, “oh that’ll look great on national television.” I’m sure the casual viewer at 9pm on primetime network television loved those big puddles of blood in the cage. I’m sure that didn’t harm the “bloodsport” aspect and perception of the event at all. I’m sure soccer moms and pudgy liberal sportswriter blowhards (say Mariottis or Plaschkes or Kornheisers) absolutely loved seeing that. That wouldn’t turn anyone away. Who is in charge of cleaning the mat between fights? I’m sure shady hotel housekeepers have to clean up large puddles of blood all the time. Can you hire them? I know for a fact they work cheap.

PRO: Frank Shamrock has braces? Awesome. Is he the toughest man on the planet with braces? Shouldn’t that be in the Guinness Book of World Records? Who is the toughest man on the planet with eyeglasses? What about the toughest man on the planet with a hairlip? Toughest ginger? Okay, that’s probably Jason MacDonald but you get my point. Though I don’t know if he qualifies with so few freckles.

PRO: EliteXC drinking game. Feel free to add your own but take a drink whenever Mauro Ranallo makes a bad joke or pun, Frank Shamrock says the word “gameplan,” Nick Diaz curses, or when Gus Johnson is awesome. Oh no, scratch that last one. I don’t want anyone to die. (Gus Johnson is awesome.)

PRO: Cyborg Santos has a wife.

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Good for him. I realize being able to beat the crap out of a great number of people gives you fine confidence but I just have to imagine him asking me out from a woman’s inner monologue. “Oh um… hmmm…. if I say no he may drag me back to his cave in Lord of the Rings and rape me.” YES, SURE. ANYTIME. Well I suppose Seal did get Heidi Klum. (He only speaks Portuguese right?)

(“Adam Morgan: (8:19:44 PM): I like the rape joke”)

PRO: Carano/Santos frenzy. I can’t imagine EXC was happy with all of the Gina Carano talk and camera shots during the Baszler/Cyborg fight. Actually they were, it would hype a fight and put a big draw on the tv screen. But in general we all know they wouldn’t actually make this fight…. right? There is no way Gina Carano and Cristiane Santos are fighting next are they? They wouldn’t put Kimbo in there with Antonio Silva I can’t imagine they’d do that. Or maybe I’m going overboard on the Cyborg hype. I’d still love to see Carano vs Baszler.

CON: Hearing a name pronounced for the first time. We’ve all done it. Remember the first time you read the name Fabricio Werdum and then remember the first time you actually saw him fight? Your “Word’um” and “Ver’doon” weren’t very close to matching. We’ve learned our Brazilian Rs are Hs and our German Vs and Ws. This is why I can never do a radio show…. I rarely to never feel stupid but when I hear a name I’d previously butchered pronounced by Renallo or someone I cringe a little. Who knows how many times people are arguing with you and can’t even pronounce the person’s name they’re talking about. We shouldn’t feel too bad, I’m sure there are millions of people in Japan that think his name is Dahwn Hendahsawn.

CON: Only the referee or doctor can stop the fight. OH REALLY!? I can’t stop the fight? Are you sure? Am I not qualified? I understand if only one of them can stop the bout, that bears mentioning. Like if in a boxing match they say only the referee can stop the bout. Okay, that means the doctor can’t and he’d only relay his official judgment to the referee. So if we’re mentioning both the ref and the doctor who else could? What about a guy in the front row? I realize I’m nitpicking, it’s just the ref/doctor combo is as annoying as people asking for a check instead of a bill at a restaurant. Or that the Millennium was actually 2001 instead of 2000. It’s something incorrect that is socially accepted and those things bother me.

PRO: Boss Caplan (he makes us call him that, don’t ask) being mentioned during a primetime CBS broadcast. I’m sure it was a proud moment. If they ever mention me (not counting on it) everyone will just assume it’s a random reference to the former Republican presidential candidate from Arkansas. None the less this is a big step and congrats.

CON: Stupidity. Mine. If you happen to be seeing a girl and saying nonsense as you date her make sure that just because you may know a few words and sentences in a language that you don’t say you speak that language to be impressive. Say, for example only, if you know a little Japanese from watching some, I don’t know, MMA or some songs…. that you don’t say “I can speak Japanese.” Sure, it’s impressive at first. Until you meet her surprising Japanese friend and she mentions you speak Japanese. That is your life lesson for the article. And you’re single.

35 COMMENTS
  • ekc says:

    also… why do you “con” blood on the mat and criticize the cleanup? it was a fight and they did there best between each round to clean it up

    http://www.combatlifestyle.com/pics/view_image.php?id=42379

  • HexRei says:

    Michael, give em a break, even the UFC isn’t much good at getting blood out of the cage floor. Remember back when the extremely bloody Babalu vs Heath was on the undercard of UFC 74 and there was a giant bloodstain covering like 1/3 of the octagon by the time the main card began? I remember wondering if they slaughtered a cow in the octagon for a pre-fight show or something.

  • fightfan says:

    I heard it was almost like Penn/Stevenson….I would really liek to see it!!!

  • fightfan says:

    And the cleanup makes it almost look worst!!!. It is like when you are 5 years old and spill cherry Kool aid over the white carpet…..and you take a rag and press it into and smear it into the carpet and add a little water when it doesnt work.

    It basically looked like they took a squeegee wiped down the excess blood and the soaked blood remained. You knew there waws a blood bath in an earlier fight

  • Punchintheface says:

    I had a chance to see the original feed of the fights and during commercial breaks between fights they had people spraying and scrubbing at the blood, but that blood was going nowhere.

  • Mike C. says:

    The best Mauroism of the night goes to “just call him butter cuz he’s on a roll.”

    Everyone I was watching with started cracking up.

    And Cyborg’s wife has a nice bum.

    Pro: Mrs. Cyborg’s shorts.

  • Zack with a ck says:

    No, the best Mauro-ism was that he referred to Kimbo as the Tiger of MMA. He’s gone fucking batsh*t since PRIDE died.

  • HexRei says:

    Maybe you should start labelling your jokes, Michael. They sometimes look a lot like you’re trying to make a serious point but couching it within a few laughs to make it more fun to read.

  • Winston Wolfe says:

    What you got to do is take these cleaning products and clean out the tainted automobile.

    You got to take them towels and soak up the puddles of blood and itty bitty peices of brain that have been collecting.

    No it doesn’t have to be spick and spann. you ain’t gotta eat off of it.

    Just enough that if any John Q. Laws stick their big fat heads into the car. At first glance everything will appear to be normal.

  • Zack with a ck says:

    Let’s not start sucking each other’s popsicles just yet

  • woooburn says:

    Toughest ginger? Answer: Bonaduce

  • Mike Wolfe says:

    Mrs. Santos’ gender is an open question in my mind.

  • bubbafat says:

    If Cyborg’s wife shaved her head would you be able to tell them apart? And, no, I don’t have the bag to say that to their faces, but it’s true.

  • Mike C. says:

    With that bum, I don’t care.

  • Ronin says:

    they should try using OxiClean, believe me it does work, and it would have gotten that stain out.

    BTW OxiClean is just Baking Soda+hydrogen peroxide+a small amount of dish detergent, mix up..

  • charles says:

    Is it me or does any one else think that EliteXC dosen’t know wtf a mop is?

  • Billy Mays says:

    Billy Mays here for OXY Clean…….. You got tough stains on your mat? Just spray a little OXY Clean and watch it dissapear!!!!!!

  • hindsightufuk says:

    yup im there with the mrs cyborg nice arse opinion

  • steak_knife says:

    PRO: anything involving Gina Carano.

    – The zoom-in before the womens fight
    – the close-up of Gina after the knockout, as she nervously chewed bubble gum
    – the post-fight interview with Karyn Bryant (who is a pro herself)
    – Gina cheering in the background during the rest of the night’s fights

    MORE MORE MORE

  • Cathedron says:

    That was awesome. You had me laughing out loud, Huck. Also, you should use the html sarcasm indicator ( and ) so that readers don’t have to think in the least when they read an article.

  • BJJDenver says:

    The future of mma?

    Baby Cyborg!

  • rob says:

    Does anyone care what blowhards like Bill (if it doesn’t happen in LA it doesn’t happen period) Plachke, or Jay (Michael Jeffrey Jordan) Mariotti thinks about MMA? I hope not.

  • Chris says:

    Oh my goodness, some people really need to get a sense of humour. HexRei, go back, read all the titles and consider if that article is supposed to be serious. I had a good laught out of it Michael. Keep up the good work.

  • Ant says:

    I thought it was “Only referee, doctor, or BJ Penn can stop the fight”

  • Davey D says:

    Way to put Mr. Cyborg on blast Huck. That picture is funny as chit. I really don’t think EXC would have to balls to book Carano vs. Cris Cyborg for October.

    @ #23, I really don’t give a rat’s arse about what Mariotti think’s about MMA. I’d be willing to bet he’ll attend UFC 90 since it’s in his backyard though. Maybe that will open his eye’s for once. He might not have to pay like the rest of us but hopefully the show will stop his dis-respecting antic’s at least.

    BTW, doesn’t Plachke always look like he’s doing the “Irish jig” while he talk’s on Around the Horn? Sure does to me.

  • Plenty of trashing on Plaschke and Mariotti, not enough on Kornheiser. I watched the first PtI the first time it ever aired years ago and Kornheiser and Wilbon were awesome. Now Kornheiser doesn’t even watch sports and Wilbon doesn’t like MMA and he doesn’t know what Halo is. There will be three topics in a row where neither one of them even knows what they’re talking about in the least.

  • jose santos says:

    Huckaby…you have elevated yourself to be the best part of the site…Ask “Boss” for a raise! He used to work for MMA Junkie remember! Look out Fightlinker, Huckleberry is coming!!!

  • DanS says:

    #11 lol at the pulp fiction quote

  • I didn’t even notice the quote from my favorite movie. -100 pts for me.

  • HexRei says:

    @#25 I’d say at least half the points, probably more are intended to be serious at their core.

  • Rich S. says:

    “Well I suppose Seal did get Heidi Klum. (He only speaks Portuguese right?)”

    ummmm… actually, i’m pretty sure he ONLY speaks english.. but.. good try?

    :)

    i couldn’t help but laugh when you mentioned Cyborg clubbing Mrs.Cyborg and taking her to his cave to rape her..

    hilarious..

  • Jeffery G says:

    last time i checked a fighter’s corner can stop the fight

  • BJJ in VA says:

    You can be slightly humorous when not rambling incoherently.

    p.s.
    Mauro might be the worst person ever.

    p.s.s.
    EliteXC Carano vs. Cyborg: Idontcarefest ’08

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